Joy Belongs to Us All

A couple of months ago, I got to skip out on bedtime routine to chat with entrepreneur, advocate, and artist Elisha Sea, who lives around the world in Australia. I didn’t know exactly where our conversation would lead, but I was curious to know more about her work as a Joy Consultant, a title she invented to encapsulate the work she does helping neurodivergent people, specifically teens, unmask and access joy.

As I replayed the Zoom recording, I delighted in the nonlinearity of our chat, noticing how our back-and-forth created a natural, organic shape. Fitting! And not only because we were two divergent thinkers in conversation but because organic solutions became a big theme in our discussion. When I asked Elisha about her process for working with teens, she replied through a smile: “I hate processes. Processes for human beings? Like, what the f***?”

It reminded me of how much work I still have to do to overcome my conditioning. That there is a whole new world waiting for us when we truly shift into our authentic ways of being and stop expecting that rigid, linear processes can lead us to the complex and compassionate future. Besides that, it was just a fun conversation.

All to say: I hope you love it as much as I do.

molly

Let’s start with a bit about your background. You started your career as a teacher. Was that the origin of your work as a Joy Consultant?

elisha

I was always mentoring neurodivergent teenagers, probably from when I first started teaching at 21. There were certain kids that I would click with. I taught using my Autistic way of thinking and, because of that, these kids responded and became quite relaxed in the classroom. And these were kids that other people said were really tricky to teach. But in my class, they were the ones teaching the room. They were the ones at the front, the leaders.

molly

Gosh, I struggled in school. Not so much academically, but just like my soul ached. I was so bored. My neurodivergent ways of thinking are very, like, intuitive and nonlinear, whereas the teachings were so rigid and linear. It sounds like you had the freedom and the intuition to teach in a different way.

elisha

The first school I worked at was very innovative. I'm pretty sure there was some neurodivergent leadership in that school. And so I was given creative license around how I ran my classes, and it was so nurturing and encouraging.

molly

But then not so much in the next school you went to?

elisha

I guess I don't want to harp too much on the school. That didn't work for me because, you know, they're still learning, and they've got their own history and culture that has created a certain learning environment.

molly

At that time, did you know you were Autistic?

elisha

No. The funny thing is, I was studying Autism at university. And I didn't know I was Autistic and really had no reason to believe I was. Because I was sitting in a room learning about Autism, and nobody was talking about me. They were talking about someone else. And it was strange, but I couldn’t complete the course. I couldn’t turn in my final assignment. Now, looking back, I'm like, no wonder I lost my shit. No wonder I couldn't do that last assignment. Something inside my soul told me there's something wrong here.

And so I went into, like, combustion, and I couldn't function. I spent years trying to work out what was going on. I used medication for six months, but that wasn't something, I don’t think, that was right for me. So then I just started a self exploration, just asking myself: What do I need? And for me, it was the forest. I moved to the forest, and that was just like, everything. Nature is the single most important thing for my well being.

molly

Tell me how you came up with your Joy Consultancy business. I’m so in love with this concept.

elisha

I started to explore creative arts therapy and did a course in art. And then harnessing those two things, nature and creativity, I started doing workshops with teenagers and realized, Ah, I think a lot of the young people who are coming to these spaces are actually neurodivergent like me. And I was like, I really want to work with these young people. Because I know we connect. I know we understand each other and speak a common language. I’ve had so many different evolutions of the business. It’s just been super organic.

molly

It does seem very organic, receptive. Is that a theme in your life?

elisha

Yeah. If I try to construct something, and create it, and force it into something that I think is the right thing, it doesn't necessarily have that energy with it. But if it comes from this organic, inspiration space, it does. That’s why I love working from a place of consultation. If I work with a business, I'll start by understanding the business. Who are the people in it? How do their brains work? And then I build systems for the way they think and work.

molly

So you don’t work from a blueprint or anything?

elisha

I just work from this intense curiosity. I've always been curious about everything. I was always that kid in class with my hand just jumping up constantly. And I'm really thankful for my voice and my confidence and the role modeling my mother gave me there. I’m a confident speaker, but I also know that not every person even has the ability to use this “sound voice.” So I really want to make sure that I interact with as many people as possible and share the information that they share with me. I don't feel like my perspective is the most important. It's what needs to be said or what needs to be shared or, you know, what needs to be changed for as many people as possible.

molly

What age groups do you enjoy working with the most? Teens?

elisha

Teens are my jam, because they're at the point where they can articulate things and they're starting to have this burning desire to maybe resist the norm. And I really connect with that. I've noticed that in primary schools, there are some more adaptable teaching styles and more inclusive spaces, and primary schools are a little bit more flexible over here. Whereas in high school, the difficulties really started to bubble up. And that's where parents are a little bit, let's just say kerfuffled. They don't really have someone to help understand who their teenagers are becoming. And, you know, some teenagers behave in ways that attract negative attention. And they're getting some sort of disciplinary things happening to them. They're getting certain words attached to who they are as a person. And I really want to make sure I'm in there, just letting them know that if someone's saying something harmful to you, that's not you, that's an unregulated teacher saying that. That's not a person who's actually speaking with their heart. So it's, yeah, I'm providing a little bit more light in the teen space, because not everyone likes to work with teenagers. But I fucking love it.

molly

I had so many different masks dialed in when I was a teen. And most people just thought I was an intelligent, maybe slightly caustic, lazy girl. I was no trouble. But I was struggling.

elisha

The reason I'm probably so open is for all the teenage girls that I know. Because I don't want them to have to go through what I went through. I don't want them to have to pretend they're other people just to fit in and to blend and take on identities of other people so that they can be accepted. Which, they never get accepted, because those identities are not their own.

molly

You really do have to be your authentic self to access joy. And I’m so interested in the interplay between authenticity and joy. I’ve been working on both (not that I’m anything close to a teen). And it’s funny because even my idea of joy is inauthentic. Like I’ve experienced a lot of unmasked joy lately, and I’m still wondering why I’m not dancing down the grocery store aisles.

elisha

You don't have to ever dance down the grocery aisle. That might not be your job.

molly

Right. Like I have this idea of what joy looks like and for some reason it looks like dancing down the grocery store aisle, which sounds not fun at all. I hate the grocery store.

elisha

For me, Autistic joy, or neurodivergent joy is this deep, deep feeling of something. It's like, this morning, there was this light coming through the trees. And it's been absolutely freezing here compared to normal. It's normally never this cold. And we had this light coming through the trees.

molly

This is why you’re the Joy Consultant.

elisha

I made that up because I am joy. It is part of me, and I am it. I just think about myself when I was a little girl in Ireland, how everyone would say, you know, you're just so full of love and joy. I always want to be moving back towards that. Even if I'm in a really hard space, or whatever, I can still take a moment to try and just give myself that freedom of joy.

I guess the thing that I've learned now is that my joy is about trying to be less filtered or less perfect, or less crisp, you know? Because I can be very harsh on myself. That's part of the way my brain works. So I have to bring in joy and playfulness. Play, for me, brings me out of that space. It brings me back, you know, here, now.

molly

I can really sense that you love life. And it seems like you have figured out how to live it.

elisha

Well. Just like, this is today, right? So just let's clarify for anyone that reads this: today is going well. It’s only 9:58 AM.

I’m very passionate about the idea that no one should ever see me as someone who’s got it all figured out because I haven't. I still cry on the floor in the shower. I still scream in the forest. I still have the deep sadness and the woes and worries and you know, stimming in the car. I still have all those things inside me. They still are part of who I am as a person. But I can also access joy.

molly

Joy can’t really exist without its opposite, right?

elisha

Life does have hardness. And if it didn't, we wouldn't experience the joy. I can tell you right now, that because of the tricky things that are part of my upbringing, and the tricky things I experienced at high school with friendships and the tricky things I experienced with relationships, and navigating all of that, it's helped me to be okay. I can grasp the little joys because of the deep, you know, anguish I felt through periods of my life.

molly

Can you always access joy?

elisha

I think that when I'm regulated, I can access joy quite readily. And when I'm not having to mask, or I don't have anyone else around me to perform for, I can definitely access joy. Like, you know, when I’m with safe people. Or in spaces where my senses aren't being overwhelmed by fluorescent lighting or loud noises or the things that cause my system to just shake, essentially.

I think joy is everywhere, right? But when we don't allow everyone to feel regulated, it's hard to access.